Resources for single parents by choice

A single parent by choice is someone who chooses to have a child knowing they will be their child’s sole provider, at least at the beginning. Some people who choose this path never want to be married; others want to have a child before getting married, and some simply feel emotionally and financially secure enough to raise a child on their own.

There are several different options for those pursuing solo parenthood, but financial barriers are common. For example, some insurance plans require an infertility diagnosis –– or 6–12 months of trying to get pregnant –– to access fertility treatment. Adoption and donor-assisted reproduction can also be costly without support. Let’s explore some of the family-forming options for single parents by choice and how resources like fertility benefits can help make the process more accessible. 

Why choose single parenthood?

There are many reasons one may choose to become a single parent by choice. According to a recent Modern Fertility and Zola survey, 27% of respondents agreed with the statement: "I don't feel like I need a partner to become a parent." Not only is there increasing acceptance of single parenthood, but this path is also on the rise –– especially for single mothers by choice (SMBCs). 

With women choosing to get married later in life, the growth in access to sperm banks as a single person, and women now entering higher-paying fields and being more educated in general, becoming an SMBC is more accessible than ever before. In 2008, there were an estimated 2.7 million American women who identified as SMBCs, and because the census does not have a category to track mothers who are parenting solo, those numbers could be much higher today.

A 2016 study of over 100 families also found that “solo motherhood, in itself, does not result in psychological problems for children.” The study revealed no significant differences in quality between families with one mother versus two-parent families, although there was less conflict observed in single-mother families. Susan Golombok, Professor of Family Research at the University of Cambridge, has noted that “children do just as well in “new family structures” as in the traditional family.”

Currently, there are 2.6 million single fathers in the United States, including those both by choice and chance, and while there is little research on just how many are by choice, it’s suspected that this is also a growing population.

The options and costs of becoming a solo parent

Single parents by choice have many of the same family-forming options as two-parent families. Here are some options to consider when starting a family on your own:

Adoption 

Adoption may feel like the most obvious choice for single people deciding to have children. Single-parent adoption comprises about 30% of all domestic adoptions in the United States. At the same time, single parents have faced discrimination when adopting as there can be a preference for two-parent households by some agencies. Support through services like Carrot can help single parents by choice find agencies inclusive of all family structures. 

When taking this path, it’s also important to remember that there are various options under the adoption umbrella, which have a variety of processes and costs. Domestic private adoptions typically cost between $30,000 and $50,000, and intercountry adoptions can cost between $30,000 and $60,000. Adopting through foster care is another option and the cost is typically covered by the state. 

Donor-assisted reproduction

Donor-assisted reproduction uses donated eggs, embryos, or sperm to give single parents the option to have biological children independently. This means a single parent can use options like in vitro fertilization (IVF) –– when the egg and sperm are fertilized in a lab, and an embryo is transferred to the uterus. IVF can cost up to $25,000 per round. Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is another option, where prepared sperm are placed directly into the uterus. It can cost anywhere from a few hundred dollars to $4,000.

Gestational carrier services

Gestational carrier (GC) arrangements (commonly known as surrogacy) can be a way for a person without a uterus, or a person who can’t carry a child on their own, to have a child. A GC is a person carrying a pregnancy they are not genetically related to. A single parent could use their own sperm and a donor egg or their own egg and donor sperm to create an embryo that is then transferred into the GC’s uterus to carry the pregnancy. The average cost of a successful first-attempt GC pregnancy in the U.S. ranges from $125,000-$200,000 for a singleton birth. Loans, grants, and employer-sponsored funds from companies like Carrot are a few ways one could fund this journey. 

How to financially prepare for single parenthood

Raising a child or children on a single income, depending on what that income is, can take more planning and finesse than is required by a double-income family. While this can seem daunting, a little forethought goes a long way. 

Here are some easy steps you can take to prepare financially for life as a single parent: 

• Research the costs associated with your chosen path: IVF costs, surrogacy costs, etc.
• Research costs associated with raising a child: food and clothing, childcare, education (including college), healthcare, etc. 
• Meet with a financial advisor to prepare a savings plan and other financial strategies based on your income and expenses. 
• Explore employer benefits, grants, and loans for funding your parenting journey. 
• Make a will — yes, even if you’re young — with an estate planner to ensure your children are cared for when you pass. 
• Explore life insurance options for even more protection in the event of your passing.

There will always be surprise expenses that arise over the course of your parenting journey, and that’s why planning for the expected costs can help relieve a lot of future stress. 

How to find support as a single parent by choice

Pursuing solo parenthood can be challenging. Some single parents by choice find community and resources through social media. Platforms like TikTok and YouTube have given people of all backgrounds the platform to share their personal stories and support others with similar experiences. Leaning on your family, friends, and even your employer will be critical to succeeding on a journey to single parenthood as well. You can also check out the following single parent by choice support groups.

• Mocha SMC: Founded by two Black single mothers by choice to support other women of color who are choosing to become moms.
• Fatherly: A helpful resource for fathers in general, with many articles on single fatherhood.
• Single Mothers By Choice: One of the first and leading organizations to advocate for single mothers by choice

Single parent by choice frequently asked questions (FAQ)

Can single men become single parents by choice?

Yes, and more and more men are becoming parents this way. There are several paths for single men to become parents on their own, including adoption and gestational surrogacy. You can also adopt children who are open via foster care as a single person. 

Are there legal challenges for single parents by choice?

Whether you choose to adopt, use a gestational carrier, or get pregnant yourself, there are a variety of legal considerations that surround parental rights. It’s best to discuss these questions with a lawyer who is an expert in the journey you’ve chosen. 

How common are single parents by choice?

Solo parenting by choice is growing in popularity. According to data released by Cryos International, a large sperm bank in the U.S., 54% of their customer base were people looking to get pregnant on their own — mainly cis women.¹ Men tend to become single parents less frequently, usually by adoption, but their numbers are also growing. 

Can I adopt as a single parent by choice?

Single parents can adopt anywhere in the United States, since all laws barring single-parent adoptions have been removed. Elsewhere in the world, laws vary from country to country. It’s important to research the laws of your country or the country from which you’d like to adopt before moving forward. 

How much does it cost to be a single parent by choice?

Being a single parent can be costly, since there isn’t a second income to balance the expenses. Depending on your path to parenthood, the cost could be anywhere from free to over $100,000. Please see the section of this blog titled “Options and costs of becoming a solo parent.”

Becoming a solo parent: More resources for your journey

At Carrot, supporting single parents by choice is essential to ensuring fertility care is accessible to all. Carrot members have access to Carrot Experts, who can walk individuals through the family-forming paths we mentioned above, financial support to help make funding the process easier, and other inclusive offerings like not requiring an infertility diagnosis to use our services.

Carrot also partners with adoption agencies, donor agencies, and law firms who can help you on your journey. All Carrot partners are vetted for LGBTQ+ inclusivity, and we also provide access to BIPOC providers.

Already a Carrot member? Sign in to get your Carrot Plan and take the next step in your fertility journey today.

If you don’t have access to Carrot at your company, find out how to advocate for it.

‍¹“Single Mom By Choice Statistics.” https://www.singlemothersbychoice.org/2022/07/22/single-mom-by-choice-statistics/